Conservative Republican: Endangered Species

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In a surprise announcement, the federal government has proclaimed that they would be adding Conservative Republicans to the endangered species list. This audacious move by the feds gives the full protection and survival rights to this fading group of the food chain.

Concerns of this species leaving the face of the Earth has sparked debate on Capitol Hill. Today’s lawmakers don’t want to lose this ancient group on their watch or be blamed for their disappearance. The actual count of how many are truly left is unclear, but the rare appearances of this once prominent group indicate that there are very few left.

One recent sighting occurred along the interstate highway system somewhere along I-95. Apparently, this was confirmed by the sign that was used to hitchhike down to Florida. The sign reading  “South Bound” was recovered along the highway and is proof that there is still one or more of them left.

Scientists have uncovered a colony of them from the past where they migrated to “The Villages” in Florida. However, there is no sign of them as of late. Experts say, if you do happen to come across one of these species not to worry, they are harmless. They don’t bite and the only effects of running into one of them would be a terribly strong desire to lower taxes and become more self-efficient. However, there is a socialist vaccine for this that will cure you if you get infected.

Another group in Congress has started efforts to make room in the Smithsonian Museum for Conservative Republicans right next to the dinosaurs. There is a valid attempt to make room for this species right next to the complete skeleton of an amphicoeliasfragillimus and the stegosaurus exhibit.

Regardless of whether or not they get their own spot in our nation’s museums, the effort from the lawmakers to preserve this group should be commended.

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